This is my fan – fiction entry for the fifth day of #Barathon 2017, the fortnight-long blogging marathon for bloggers everywhere, organised by Blog-A-Rhythm! Today’s prompt is ‘Lord of the Files’. Theme? Harry Potter!
Argus Filch chuckled to himself. “Finally caught the menace of a girl who made Mrs. Norris go stiff as a stone…” he muttered under his breath, as he pushed open the door to his dingy, windowless office.
Hugo Granger-Weasley walked into Filch’s office, not a flicker of shame on his face. “Mr. Filch, Mrs. Norris will be alright. I can get her back to normal for you. Look!” Hugo lifts the now old and heavy Mrs. Norris and says, “Rennervate!”
Mrs. Norris blinked. Her lamp-like eyes reflected Filch’s cherished and polished chains and manacles. Mrs. Norris meowed. Hugo heaved a sigh of relief. His mum would be proud of him.
Filch turned around, picking up Mrs. Norris from Hugo’s hand and cooed to her, “My sweet, are you alright?” He walked over to his desk, placed Mrs. Norris on a stack of files and sat down on his chair. “Back to you, Mr. Granger-Weasley. Which punishment suits a rogue like you? IS there anything that you have not done till date? Filling the trophy room with slugs, requesting the elves to add Ton-Tongue Toffees to the Treacle Tart, selling Love Potions disguised as raspberry lemonade to girls from the first year, you deserve a whipping of a lifetime!” Hugo smirked. His dad, Ron, loved reading the blow-by-blow details of the pranks via letters. His mum, Hermione, didn’t quite approve of the Ton-Tongue Toffee prank. Not because all the Slytherins had their tongues touching the floor, no. She believed that Hugo had manipulated the elves into doing what he asked them to do, which was unacceptable. The S.P.E.W. Manifesto she had surreptitiously hidden in his trunk lay unread and undistributed.
Mr. Filch picked up a thick file. His webby handwriting filled hundreds of parchment. Filling up parchments with choicest and most creative punishments was Mr. Filch’s favourite pastime. When it was time to dole out punishments, he opened a page at random, selected a punishment by closing his eyes and placing a finger on a sentence.
“Yes, today’s punishment for Mr. Granger-Weasley will be: a night full of collecting Bouncing Spider Juice from the Forbidden Forest. I will escort you up to Hagrid’s hut, and you can proceed into the wilderness on your own.” A maniacal glee filled Mr. Filch’s face.
Hugo flinched. Spiders were scary to an arachnophobic like him, and Bouncing Spiders were double the nightmare. His throat constricted in panic. But then a thought gleamed in his mind.
“Mr. Filch, that would be wonderful. But before I accept your punishment, can I confirm something that Mr. Harry Potter had told me a year ago?” Warily, Mr. Filch replied, “Yes. Get on with it. I’ve got no time to listen to your questions. There are floors to clean and–”
“I’m sure you could clean those floors with magic, can’t you? A simple Kwikspell course away, isn’t it?”
The choking noise that Mr. Filch emitted was all that Hugo needed to be convinced that he would never have to see a Bouncing Spider for the rest of his life.
“Mr. Harry Potter, I owe you one.”
P.S.: If you’re a Potterhead and didn’t understand the ending, tweet to me @fabulus1710. If you didn’t get the Harry Potter references because you’re not a Potterhead, kindly pick up a copy of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone and begin your journey across the best book series ever. Since 20 years ago today, the story of a midget wizard was published to the world ❤
Click here to buy the entire Potterhead series: Harry Potter 7 Volume Children’S Paperback Boxed Set: The Complete Collection (Set of 7 Volumes)
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