I was awake when my heart stopped loving you. I realised that my heart had stopped beating for your sake that dawn.
I’ll never forget that moment. Whiskers of sunlight streamed down on your face, turning your hair golden-brown. You had a small smile on your face, and you seemed completely oblivious to the thoughts that were roaming in my mind. You didn’t know that you would lose the love of your life that day. You would have no one to share a meal with form that day onwards. You had no way of steeling yourself and protecting your heart from the damage I was going to inflict on you. I was to leave you, and never return back to your love.
Or had you already read the signs?
Had you noticed the slight change in my behaviour? Had you noticed that the concern in my text messages was diminishing? Had you observed the way I rarely paid attention to your gushing talks and excited chatter these days? Had you sensed that I no longer stared at you before I fell asleep, your face always being the last image on my mind? Had you comprehended that I stayed late at office, only to stay away from you?
Maybe you understood all these things, but chose to ignore them. Why? Because you believed that time could heal everything? Maybe you kept talking about that vacation to Venice so often, because you heartily wanted us to stay together till then? Maybe you had planned to work some magic over me there, and make me fall in love with you again?
Still. My heart had decided, and my brain no longer wanted to keep persisting and fighting against it. I left you that day, never to return, with not a pinch of regret making me reconsider my decision.
I was awake when my heart stopped missing you. It was slow and steady, and I never imagined that there would be a day I would start hating you. I could literally feel the love diminish, in both of our hearts.
I felt irritated by every little thing you did. And did not do. I tired of waiting for your love, waiting for you to take me to that movie I wanted to see so badly. I missed the talks and the late-night walks. But then, I reached a limit, a saturation point for all this pain. And then I became cold towards you. I pretended that it did not affect me, hoping and praying that you would understand that I couldn’t bear with the pain anymore.
But I persisted. In the back of my mind, I hoped that time could heal our hearts, make us whole again. I kept recalling the beautiful moments I spent with you. I kept working hard for what we had had, all because of those blissful memories. I failed to see that you no longer were the same cute guy who handed me a bunch of pink roses to say those magical words. I should have realised that you no longer opened doors for me like you used to. I should have sensed that you never paid attention to anything I said anymore.
I thought a vacation to Venice was what we needed. Maybe you needed a break from work. They kept you in their office for extra hours every day. Maybe you had forgotten how to love me, and a slight prod from my side would get you back to the right track?
But I was wrong. As I sit here, nursing this cup of coffee in the silent room, I curse myself for not realising sooner that you were a lost battle, and no amount of warfare could have brought you back to me from the land of dead love.
This post was written for YeahWrite Fiction|Poetry Challenge 258 .
The prompt for today was – I was awake when my heart stopped.
P.S.: This post was selected in the Top 3 Fiction Posts of the Week over at YeahWrite . Thank you so much for the love and support, and of course, for the votes :p