What #FreedomToBe means to me..

So for my third guest post blog post, I’m hosting @Novemberschild who blogs at The White Scape
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I don’t understand why the term “freedom” is always related politically and not personally? #FreedomToBe is the ability to do whatever I want, as long as it doesn’t contravene on anyone else’s right to do whatever they want. Being your own person requires independence of thought, feeling, and action.

I am 31, over qualified academically, unmarried, single, and successful as a writer and editor. I am the only one from my school batch who is not married and I am being constantly judged for this. I am happy right now being single but it does not mean I am not open to getting married. My life is not empty; it is full of wonderful people such as my mother and my very few friends. However, I do find myself intermittently lonely and wish for a partner. I occupy for my part with better things in life rather than taking all those negative stereotypes a single woman is always being said about and remain self-assured that the things that I would like to see in my future will happen.

That is pretty hard! No call it, the hardest thing about being single in the 30s is not actually being single, it’s putting up with the constant bombardment of judgements, comments, criticisms and the pressure to “settle down” almost all of which comes from relatives.

While the insensible remarks hurt (such as you should think about freezing your eggs, have you decided on adoption all of in the age of 31, why aren’t you married or we will find you a man), it is so hard for me to take all these comments from the people who think they have all the right on me to tell me that it is my fault for being single or unmarried.

All these bits and pieces make me question my own happiness sometimes. My life is pretty great. But when these types of awful comments are passed I ask myself Am I really happy being single? I snap out of this question instantaneously, but still, it’s a something I wish I don’t have to think about it again.

I always wonder what forces people to judge single women? Is it because they really think they’re doing us a service by passing comments? Do they really believe my life is empty? Or are they trying to substantiate their views on my life choices? There is in all probability no answer. The separations and the divorce rate among couples are alarming high. What is it about getting into relationship or marriage that still compels people to judge the singles, especially women, to feel that it is the end of happiness and success? I don’t understand why it is ok to judge someone’s single status, but definitely not ok to judge someone’s relationship?

Whenever I think about the judgements passed on me for being single I wish I could also judge them for being in a relationship or being married to a wife beater, alcoholic, psychic, dominating and controlling partners. Seeing these situations I am forced to ask are we so smitten with the idea of marriage no matter how good or bad, is better than being single and enjoying freedom?

I think that women, married and single, should benefit from her freedom, joys and struggles that comes with the relationship status. A single woman should have that freedom to talk about her life without being automatically judged as miserable, or to be able to share her happiness without someone thinking or saying “Yes, but you don’t have a husband or a man in your life.”


I live among very judgmental and traditionalist types, they can’t help themselves since they pretty much did everything by society’s book so they see me – single and successful, and they have issues. I receive hard hitting judging comments from my extended family and first cousins and all these bothers my mother, who is so worried all the time that her 30-something daughter isn’t married. That being said, I want to get married and have a child and I am very much open right now for it, but it is all about the right person coming at the right time. To those who feel judged (like me – single woman) and really feel weighed down by it, I support you to keep your head up and find the right one for you when it’s right for you, and not anyone else.


Note about the author: 

Appreciation for my writings gives me a better high than vodka. My dream is to give away autographed copies of my authored books to my fans. No much major pressures in life. I admire and take pride in being a part of the world around me. Books are my best friend and I can never get tired of travelling and exploring corners. Not the least, I believe in my destiny, prayers, love and acknowledgement. It’s really important and encouraging for me to have feedback from readers. You can write to me directly here below this post as comments. I read all my comments/compliments and I do write back too. 

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Thank you so much, Novemberschild for this fab blog post! ❤ 
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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Vidya Sury says:

    🙂 I think the stigma of being single from a world that has grown up believing that no woman is complete without a man. I have had my fair share of this constant nitpicking before I voluntarily married at 33. Still. So annoying.

    I am pretty sure you'll find the right person when the time comes! Until the, Women Power continues to rock! Love to you!

    Like

  2. I am a great writer, like you, to judge the quality of the post but I heartily appreciate the philosophy of #FreedomToBe; and would like to share my idea about it. Yes, without being intrusive. 
    Freedom is a great word. It's not only about being independent to do the right thing your way but also to discourage the barriers interfering with the smoothness of the drive.
    If I am on the driving seat of my life I have only two responsibilities – first, to choose my own path and pace; and second no one should get even a single scratch from my vehicle. Others may move in both the direction; independently; freely. That’s their path to realize their dream as long as they are not crashing onto me. If at anytime they try to dent, that’s temporary, I will get that repaired and carry on with my journey called life.
    Yes, I can’t and no one can do anything of the honkers; let them honk.
    Let us be the master driver of our own life!

    Like

  3. Soumya says:

    Sadly, this doesn't end with marriage alone. I've been married for almost three years now and do not want to have a child. I have been judged time and again for this choice of mine. It is also my husband's choice, but I'm the only one to be blamed. I give a damn to such people.

    Do not worry about being single. Just live the life you want to and marry only when you find the right person. Not because it is the right time or for the fact that time is ticking away.

    Like

  4. Just logged-in to check my comment.

    Corrigendum:
    I am NOT a great writer…
    Apologies, NA

    Like

  5. You've made a very interesting argument on freedom. I can't understand why someone is being judged for being single and is a matter of choice to delve on one's priorities. I understand the aspect of conservative family-mine is one-and I am quizzed on the when. It's here that freedom matters, to make personal decision on what works for us. Great post with great reflections.

    Like

  6. You've made a very interesting argument on freedom. I can't understand why someone is being judged for being single and is a matter of choice to delve on one's priorities. I understand the aspect of conservative family-mine is one-and I am quizzed on the when. It's here that freedom matters, to make personal decision on what works for us. Great post with great reflections.

    Like

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